Making Room for Baby

This weekend we finally got around to buying a crib and holy crap are those things gigantic or what?! A ten year old can fit in that freaking thing. It has completely and utterly taken over our bedroom. So now, we’re mourning the loss of our lusty love shack, our steamy sex cove, our…who am I kidding? That room has always been as unexciting as a monk’s library. But at least before it didn’t look like a daycare center! Nothing says romance like a heap of pink onesies piled onto a stroller, sitting in the middle of your bedroom. 

In any case, this got me thinking about all the other changes we’ll need to make in the apartment over the next few months: this place is a DEATH TRAP. Between the electric cables lining every wall, the tall unstable lamps, the razor sharp corners on our furniture and my husband’s 100 pound golf bag balanced precariously beside the bathroom door, I wonder if we might have to lock the baby in our bedroom for the first few years of her life.

AND THEN my wardrobe will also have to undergo a makeover since as a nursing mother I’ll be obligated to whip out a boob at any given moment to breastfeed. So, I’m on the hunt for suitable shirts because can you imagine the commotion that I would cause at Target if I had to strip off an entire sweater dress to gain access to a boob? No, thanks. I’m uncomfortable enough with the notion of breastfeeding in public without adding complete indecent exposure to the mix. In fact, I’ve become so obsessed with this issue that I recently bought this thing that’s supposed to cover your bosom while you breastfeed but do you know what the brand is called? UDDER COVERS. I mean, really? REALLY?  

What have I gotten myself into?

(Well, technically I didn’t get into this all by myself, I had some help. And when I say “some” it’s just as a manner of speaking, I don’t mean that the amount of help was negligible. Because it wasn’t negligible, it was significantly large. The amount of help, that is. You know what I mean. Crap. I’ll stop talking now.)

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22 Comments

  1. misswretched said,

    September 2, 2010 at 9:01 am

    DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • September 2, 2010 at 10:31 am

      Mind you, I just spent the last 10 minutes explaining to dear husband what that last paragraph was about AND what Kenyans mean when they say “DEAD”. I should have just married you instead.

  2. awura amma said,

    September 2, 2010 at 10:00 am

    hahahaha Shiko u r too funny!!!! i can’t even imagine the stares you’d get if you had to take off a sweater dress. all the best with the rest of the preparations 🙂

    • September 2, 2010 at 11:25 am

      I would definitely be banned from all Target locations indefinitely. Thanks!

  3. Amanda said,

    September 2, 2010 at 10:41 am

    i totally pictured that sweater/indecent exposure event and it was HILARIOUS! you would, too, wouldn’t you? haha!

    as for apartment = deathtrap …. thought about moving?

    and what DOES a kenyan mean when they say “death”?

    • September 2, 2010 at 11:28 am

      DEAD = I’m dying of laughter/I died laughing. Wow, I just realized how morbid that sounds. We’re stuck in this apartment until our lease expires next year – you can blame lack of planning for our current predicament.

  4. Amanda said,

    September 2, 2010 at 10:42 am

    *dead, rather

    (haha! i tried to post this immediately after the previous post and go this message “error. you are posting things to quickly. slow down.”

  5. Clare "AfricanQueen" K said,

    September 2, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Wow.. now that’s what I underwent when my niece was born. It’s not as bad the first few months because the baby can’t really move about. but the time comes when she’ll start crawling, then you have to child-proof everything. EVERYTHING! About Target…keep it undercover. Or should I be looking out for you in the news? 🙂

  6. Mumbi said,

    September 2, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Shiko,

    You’re killing me. Si you would have asked and I would have sent you a kanga with holes for ventilation. Thats what an udder cover is, a Kanga with space for ventilation. I’m loving the blog 🙂

    • September 2, 2010 at 3:42 pm

      Thanks Mumbi! I just pictured a kanga with holes for ventilation – LMAO!

  7. Dutta said,

    September 3, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Somehow I missed this…..its a GIRL……CONGRATULATIONS

    DEAD……..LOL……….You’ll def be Target Banned…..we’ve come from far……I rem when I was a little girl(u probably do too)…….seeing mama’s breastfeed in public with no concerns/ even thought into what other may think..for them the baby was hungry they just unleashed that boob and put it in the toi’s mouth chap chap……….

    Ur last paragraph……ehhhh explains all the kicking ur baby is doing to you……….REVENGE………………lol…..

  8. IzJ said,

    September 7, 2010 at 7:58 am

    LOLEST…dead! Didn’t know it was a Kenyan thing?

    Udder covers…bwahaha…surely even if they were being ‘creative’ with the name! Do they atleast do ‘the job’ though? u know…conceal indecent exposure etc…

    n I’m glad hubby was a big help…lol @ explanation…then again explain pls? hehe.

    loved this! keep em coming. xo

    • September 8, 2010 at 12:18 pm

      Imagine! Udder covers! AS if we needed any more help feeling like cows!

  9. Silvia Njeri said,

    September 7, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    “Udder covers”?????? DEAD!!! Gosh, you learn something new everyday, e.g., a baby rabbit = kit, (and NOT bunny wabbit!) hahaha.

    • September 8, 2010 at 12:19 pm

      LOLest @ bunny wabbit. These udder cover people should be shot at sunrise for picking that name.

  10. Waboi said,

    September 7, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    This post gave me a ‘crystal ball’ moment!!!! Thanks Shiko!

    • September 8, 2010 at 12:20 pm

      I hope you’re enjoying your pregnancy Waboi…lots of exciting changes to look forward to!

  11. GeorgieAllblacks said,

    September 20, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    UDDER COVERS!!! Really Shiko?? I have laughed so much at work mbaka I had to step out. Keep the stories coming.

    • September 20, 2010 at 4:19 pm

      IMAGINE! I wish I was making it up but I have proof right here in my closet!

  12. Ken said,

    October 12, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    LMAO @ UDDER COVERS, that is hilarious on sooo many levels. Great job with this blog, it’s success begs to question if you are actually jobless or just have a great gig you don’t know about and don’t get paid for.


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