People Should Just Be Quiet When Standing In Line

So, last week I decided to reward myself for enduring yet another week of pregnancy by going to Starbucks on Friday afternoon. I firmly believe in rewarding oneself for feats of perseverance. (Yes, perseverance. Between the heartburn, aching hips, facial acne, fetal kicks to the bladder and lack of alcohol, I feel damn right entitled.) And so off I went, happy as can be to fetch myself something rich and indulgent. I took my place in line, patiently waiting for the barista to get to me so that I could order a Cheese Danish AND a large Strawberries & Crème Frappucino. (You can close your dropped jaw now and before you rush to judgment, remember that this was meant to be a REWARD and I’m pregnant so I should be pitied and I’ll be on a miserable diet as soon as the baby comes and also, since you’re reading this blog you should be inclined to be on my side on all matters.) So, anyway, I’m patiently standing in line when a mother and her daughter of about 5 years of age join the line right behind me. The following conversation ensues between them: 

Mother: Do you see anything healthy here?

–          As soon as these words escaped her lips, I was pissed off. Here I was, about to fling myself into frappucino-danish ecstasy and she was bringing up the H word? I had a good mind to give her a Hot slap. 

5 yr old: Noooo, not really.

–          I kid you not people. The little horror of a child actually studied the display case for a few minutes before declaring that all pastries therein (including MY CHEESE DANISH) were unfit for consumption. Now, of course I knew that my beloved cheese danish wasn’t the healthiest thing on earth but I didn’t need to HEAR IT from a 5 yr old!

Mother: Well, maybe you can reeeeally spoil yourself today and get a Rice Krispie Treat. But mommy will just have some of yours coz mommy has *slaps hips*.  

–          Now, CLEARLY, ‘spoil yourself’ means different things to different people. This tiny girl and her skinny mother, who looked to be at most a size 4, were actually debating over “treating” themselves to a shared Rice Krispie Treat while there I stood, at size 100 with my stomach peeping from underneath my t-shirt (thanks to yet another tummy growth spurt) about to order NOT JUST a Cheese Danish but a Crème Frappucino to boot! And what did she mean slapping her hips? Yeah woman, you have hips. We all do, it’s part of our anatomy and eating won’t change that.

 The last thing I wanted was to be a cautionary tale told every night to the little girl, “Remember the giant pregnant woman who ordered ALL those unhealthy things at Starbucks…”  And so with a heavy heart, when the barista finally got to me, I ordered a slice of banana nut bread (FYI Miss Know-It-All 5 yr old: Banana = Fruit = Healthy. So there) and a soda.

I know, I know… I suck. I should’ve been like So, what? and gotten the danish –frappacino combo but I’m a wimp. And all wimps deserve to be shot at sunrise (along with people who enjoy going to the gym). Putting the question of wimpiness aside for a moment though, I do feel like the moral of this story is that people should just be quiet when standing in line.  


  1. Shecago said,

    September 23, 2010 at 9:46 am

    Aw Shiko 😦 I’m sorry. I hope next time no one makes you feel like you can’t order what you want. I have to say, from what I’ve heard about how everyone suddenly feels like they have the right to judge you when you’re pregnant (your diet, your behavior, etc etc), it must wear on you- no wonder you felt like you couldn’t (shouldn’t) order what you wanted. Even if people keep their mouths shut, doesn’t mean they can’t shoot you evil looks. People suck, not you. Stay strong! You are awesome! 🙂

    • September 23, 2010 at 11:55 am

      THANK YOU! Next time, I promise not to cower in shame. In fact, now that it’s been a week since that fateful day, I will return to Starbucks and order WHATEVER I want.

  2. petr said,

    September 23, 2010 at 9:47 am

    now i want a frozen coffee (>.<)

    quick editorial note:
    barrister – lawyer
    barista – coffee bartender

    • September 23, 2010 at 10:13 am

      LMAO! And it would be totally weird if a lawyer was serving me at Starbucks. That’s too funny, let me change that! (This blog is a joint effort!)

  3. |d®| said,

    September 23, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    And a soda? Funny.
    For what it’s worth, hope you enjoyed the banana nut bread.

  4. kellie said,

    September 27, 2010 at 5:57 am

    You let the skinny lady and her skinny daughter intimidate you? Sad. During pregnancy is the only time we’re allowed to ignore the rest of the world and order whatever tickles our fancy because ‘the baby asked for it’.

    Please go back and get your order.

    • September 27, 2010 at 7:05 pm

      Yes, I wimped out. Good news though, i DID go back! And I ordered my cheese danish (it was worth every single calorie) AND also had a frap!

  5. September 27, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    you shoulda just knee’d the little smart ass .. or ‘mistakenly’ stepped on her tiny little healthy foot and ‘accidentally’ placed all that baby induced weight on it. that would have taught her! then as they rush off to get it looked at you coulda gone ahead with that errm .. buffet order! ka ka ka ka! (cartoon laughter)

    • September 27, 2010 at 7:23 pm

      Muaahaahaahaa. I think you’re the voice of evil me on my left shoulder.

  6. Kawambo said,

    September 28, 2010 at 2:17 am

    how now baby cuz… you? chicken? shame 😦 from now on, you get on with your program – of course with a little advice from evil left shoulder older cuz will make it easier 🙂

    • September 29, 2010 at 12:30 am

      Imagine! My goal for the next few months is to grow some you-know-what’s.

  7. Dutta said,

    September 30, 2010 at 9:24 am

    How sweet, p’ple should be quiet. I so concur. Every time I order something, some one feels the need to ask me directly btw staring me in the eye, “you gon finish that”? I always feel like answering F*** yea! then I pause compose myself and say YES and my mouth proceeds to blurt out “Why’d you ask”? at this point I really don’t want to know the answer but curious………….lets just say I get so guilty eating every bite of my purchased order.

    Thank God you went back that cheese danish & frap sounds so good.

    Wimp* your not alone, shoot me please.

  8. Shekyn said,

    October 15, 2010 at 3:00 am

    Hilarious! I fell backwards on my chair laughing. In a neat bundle mostly 🙂

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