Sleep (or the lack thereof)

Sleep. Oh, how I took you for granted! How I miss the days when I could jump into bed, lay on my tummy and enjoy the next 13 or so hours of bliss! (Yes, I have been known to sleep until 2 pm or later, without so much as a stir. Don’t judge me.) What has changed, you ask? (Ok, I know you’re not really asking but we have to move this plot forward people. Work with me.) Well, I’m pregnant now. You know how they say A Baby Changes Everything? I think it starts way sooner than that for women – PREGNANCY Changes Everything. Case in point: Sleep.

I haven’t had a single undisturbed night of sleep in 6 months. To start with, as soon as I lay down in bed, heartburn erupts in my esophagus like an angry volcano. It waits patiently all day, biding its time until the second I get into bed. So then I have to sit up for a while, or get a glass of milk before trying again. When I’ve finally gotten the heartburn at a manageable level, I begin the long arduous task of finding a comfortable sleeping position. Back and tummy are strictly forbidden by the doctor… something about smashing the baby or your spine or something. The question then becomes, what side will be less painful to sleep on or rather, which hip/shoulder will protest the least. This question can only be answered by trial & error, so for the next 15 minutes or so, I’m tossing from side to side hoping and praying that something works. And here’s the kicker, do you know what serves as the soundtrack to my torment? The exasperating sound of my husband’s snoring. Is there any justice in this world?! (Well, actually, yes there is. How do I know? Because this Saturday hubby started complaining that his nipples were sensitive and itchy. I happily informed him that he was experiencing sympathy symptoms of pregnancy and that he should prepare himself because he would probably start to lactate very soon but that he would be ok because I would buy enough nursing bras for both of us and that he should be happy because at least we know that our baby will be very well fed.)

Eventually, I do fall asleep only to wake up 3 hours later to pee. I grope my way to and from the bathroom in total darkness and then start the process of trying to fall asleep all over again. Laying there, awake and in the dark at 3 am can feel quite lonely, but I’m usually comforted by the Man Upstairs. Not God, no, I mean that literally – the man who lives above us. I’m quite sure that our bedroom is right below his bathroom. And many a time, he wakes up to pee at around the same time that I do (I think I have super-hormones or something because they seem to be affecting all males within a very wide radius. Exhibit A: My soon-to-be lactating husband). I’m confident that it’s a man because of the ferocity of his…umm…downpour. I’ve never met him before but if I ever did, I would tell him that I feel like I’ve bonded with him since he’s my pee-buddy and that I really appreciate him because he makes me feel less lonely at night. Ok, admittedly, I would need to find a much, much less creepy way of saying that.

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17 Comments

  1. Dee Bunque said,

    September 27, 2010 at 9:06 am

    Shiko! You have a “pee-buddy”?! lol. I recommend cookies. Bring cookies and tell him you both should be friends. You have some common ground with him: he lives in same apt complex and pees like a pregnant lady. lol. Or pie. I hear that pie works just as well here in the US. If you do bring over some food, you should be wearing an apron, heels, and pearls. why not? Sounds like you’re already the perfect housewife. 😉

    P.S. I love love love your blog – I like that one of the categories is boobies. haha.

    • September 27, 2010 at 7:10 pm

      Best. Comment. Ever. I really do think I should introduce myself. Pie + the housewife outfit + my creepy introduction might scare him off. Unless he turns out to be 95 yrs old, in which case, he could probably become my bff. I mean, we’re so in tune with each other already.

  2. awura amma said,

    September 27, 2010 at 9:13 am

    o my gosh Shiko you r too funny!!! i know i should probably not be laughing but i can’t help it hahaha!!!

    • September 27, 2010 at 7:13 pm

      It’s totally fine. You laughing helps ME laugh at myself too, and then both our lives are more bearable, yes? I think yes.

  3. Amanda said,

    September 27, 2010 at 9:52 am

    it’s all just prep. come baby-time, you won’t be sleeping either, but at least you’ll have had a few months of experience with sleepless nights to make the adjustment easier!

    on the bright-side, at that point, any chance you get to lay down, you’ll pass out without a single toss or turn!

    • September 27, 2010 at 7:16 pm

      I really, really believe that. That this is one of the ways God preps women for the changes coming up ahead. I think He prefers to just shock men. Genius!

  4. IzJules said,

    September 28, 2010 at 5:42 am

    HAHAHA!!! ROTF Shiko!!! YGKMO ->You go kill me oh! (hav u heard of this new version of LOL?) You’re too funny though! and thanks to mr. forocious pee buddy…u r not alooonnee…*waving hands in air singing MJ’s jam*, in the wee (get it?) ours of the night. As for Yaw’s itchy nipples!!! LOLEST! Did you get matching bra’s?

    • September 29, 2010 at 12:34 am

      DEAD!! You are too funny! And need to lay off the Naija You Tube videos! If I ever meet Mr. Pee Buddy I’ll be sure to tell him about ‘our song’. The only prob with getting hubs a nursing bra is finding size xxxs…What to do?

  5. Belia said,

    September 28, 2010 at 6:12 am

    Shiko I LOVE your blog!!..well am Julie Mwaniki’s friend here in Aus and she is always telling me about your blog..You’ve cracked me …and definately enlisted a regular reader !!

  6. farmgal said,

    September 28, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    A pee buddy!!!!!???? you are MADDDD lack of sleep is only preparing you for night shifts with baby.

    • September 29, 2010 at 12:37 am

      And I just realized that my pee buddy will be there for me during those late nights with baby too! Yay!

  7. egichomo said,

    September 29, 2010 at 4:42 am

    Made my day! Best read in a while.. I’ve bookmarked your blog, looking forward to more posts..

    • September 29, 2010 at 11:56 pm

      You’ve made MY day friend! Welcome and I hope you stick around!

  8. Shiz said,

    September 29, 2010 at 10:35 am

    Girl, I loove your blog, it’s mad funny, you make me want to write more, but I would need 30 hours in my day! So I’ve revamped, you can bookmark. Sato coffee/tea?

    • September 29, 2010 at 11:59 pm

      Hey girlie! A) Thx! Will bookmark asap. B) I think it’s hilarious that you’re scheduling a date on the blog!

  9. Dutta said,

    September 30, 2010 at 9:11 am

    Girl you have it going. So it starts early thanks for the heads up. Sigh!

    I agree with the housewife introduction, so how will this intro start. Hey we’ve met but not officially. Oh wait ok what if there more than one occupant.
    Knock, hi I’d like to met the person who pee’s at 3am with a waterfall down pour. lol

    as for IzJules with the YGKMO! DEAD*


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