At the Doctor’s

I can’t wait until this peeing in a cup business is over. I have to do this every week at the doctor’s office, whether I have pee in my system or not. As soon as the nurse sees me approaching the reception desk, she starts to fish for that damn cup. And it’s no small cup either. This thing is huge. And intimidating. But every week, she asks me to “Fill this please.” And every week, I fail to do so because has she seen the size of that damn cup? Between the performance anxiety and hard job maneuvering my rotund belly into that tiny bathroom stall, I consistently fail to produce the kind of results I know she’s hoping for. I sheepishly hand the cup back and imagine her looks of disdain piercing my back as I walk away.

And then after all the peeing and resulting shame from doing such a subpar job, I have to get weighed in. Why they insist on weighing me every single week is beyond the scope of my imagination. How eager they are to get me on that scale! Those sadistic nurses. Every week, I ask them if I should take off my shoes before I step on the scale. And every week, they look at me like Sure, like that’s going to help you honey. They OBVIOUSLY don’t understand that my flip flops are heavier than they look. But because of the look they give me when I ask, I don’t take my flip flops off, I just deduct 50% from whatever weight gain figure they give me to account for the flip flops. Apparently, I’m the only person who still cares about getting accurate results.

Tomorrow at my weekly appointment, I have a good mind to stage a revolt demanding smaller pee cups and no more weigh-ins. And strawberry filled donuts in the reception area, because the least they can do is nourish us as they systematically chip away at our self-esteem.

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10 Comments

  1. 3TOC said,

    October 11, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    LOL @ I deduct 50% of the weight they tell me. Can’t stop laughing. 50% SERIOUSLY. I need those exact flip lops!

    • October 11, 2010 at 10:54 pm

      Tomorrow I’ll take off the flip flops and expect to see a SIGNIFICANT drop in weight. The only way I see that not happening is if their scale is broken. Or rigged.

  2. October 12, 2010 at 12:14 am

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  3. 3CB said,

    October 12, 2010 at 5:28 am

    Heheheh oh I remember that. On clinic days, I’d start drinking water as soon as I got up, and pass by the water dispenser before I reached the lady with the big cup.

    As for weight, don’t worry, most of it is the baby. I was amused when I had my baby, because the weighed me as I was leaving, and I was right back to my pre-baby weight, so yay! Of course I’m *a lot* bigger now, but I’m working on it 🙂

    • October 12, 2010 at 11:17 am

      Now that you’ve put all kinds of unrealistic aspirations in my head, if I’m not back to pre-baby weight immediately following birth I’m coming after you.

  4. Nunu said,

    October 12, 2010 at 8:38 am

    The. Scale. Is. Rigged.
    Apparently they do that. To depress people so that they can up the sales of Prozac…apparently the economic state has something to do with Prozac sales. *shrugging shoulders nonchalantly*

    • October 12, 2010 at 11:20 am

      That makes perfect sense. And I intend to call them out on it. We can’t let them get away with this. *furiously coloring my picket signs*

      • October 13, 2010 at 1:42 pm

        Took off the flip flops. No dramatic decrease. The scale is definitely a SHAM.

  5. Amanda said,

    October 12, 2010 at 9:35 am

    every week???

    • October 12, 2010 at 11:23 am

      Every. Single. Week. Apparently, after your 34th week they deem it absolutely neccessary to check your pee and size with such annoying regularity.


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