Cry Me a River

Have you ever just felt the need to cry it out? Like the only thing that could possibly relieve your frustration/sadness/anger/irritability was a serious, woe-is-me crying session? Well, I have. And I’ve found that in the absence of my usual soothers (wine, caffeine, WINE, etc) crying has become my preferred stress reliever. Besides, nobody is better at feeling sorry for me than I am. I’m incredible at it. All I have to do is think about how severely miserable my situation is for a few seconds and the floodgates burst open. And we’re not talking about a silent, gentle stream of tears here. No way. My situations are SEVERE! And as such, they warrant full on sobbing sessions. 

My situation on Sunday, dear friends, was severely miserable. I had heartburn all day, I couldn’t find a comfy position on the couch no matter what I did, I couldn’t watch any good scary movies because hubs was away on a work trip and watching them would have meant sleeping with all the lights on plus a wooden stake under my pillow and finally, I couldn’t enjoy my donut or my Pad Thai or my Mongolian Beef because of the heartburn. So there I was, denied of every basic need that I needed to survive (I use the term ‘basic’ loosely here). AND THEN as if all this was not enough, when I glanced at the kitchen sink at the end of the day, I realized that since hubs was away, I WOULD HAVE TO DO THE DISHES! That was the last straw. At 9 pm, I stood in the middle of the kitchen and had a long, hearty sobbing session. 

And my, oh my, was it therapeutic! As good as I am at wallowing in self-pity, I’m even better at pulling myself back from the brink of utter despair. I can be simultaneously sobbing AND telling myself that it’s going to be ok (which in my humble opinion, must be some kind of superpower). The crying worked and afterwards I felt great. So great infact, that I decided not to ruin it by doing the dishes.

Crying. Is. Awesome.

Oh Crap. I’m a housewife.

Couch PotatoAnd I’m not just a housewife, I’m a CRAPPY housewife. I despise cleaning, I love sleeping in and I would rather watch a Real Housewives marathon than do anything constructive around my home. Let me give you a quick run down on how I got to this point in life: I graduated with an MBA just as the economy tanked, spent the next 6 months looking for a job, finally got one, only to get the boot 6 months later when the company went bankrupt. As if my luck wasn’t already questionable at this point, my husband and I found out that I was pregnant right around the time when the company announced that we were all about to get sacked. I mean, I’ve always loved kids and have always dreamed of being a mom but did it have to happen NOW? So, anyway, I tried unsuccessfully to look for a job after the lay off but as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, it became apparent that I wasn’t going to find work before the baby arrived. So here I am, 6 months pregnant and staring down a path that I never prepared myself for – that of domesticity.  

Back to why I’m a crappy housewife. Here is a typical weekday in the life of yours truly:

10:30 a.m. – Wake up. (I have nothing important to do for the rest of the day so what’s the rush?)

10:30 – 11:00 a.m. – Rush through my daily hygiene routine and make the bed. (I am extremely proud of myself for religiously making the bed every morning. This is undoubtedly the only housework that I do without complaint.)

11:00 to 11:05 a.m. – Tidy up the house. (And yes, this gets no more than 5 minutes of my time. In my defense however, we live in a small apartment and it’s not my fault that we are tidy people.)

11:05 – 2:00 p.m. – Lazily eat breakfast while watching t.v. and surfing the internet. (I have no excuse for this one. It is simply what I do.)

2:00 – 4:00 p.m. – See above but replace ‘breakfast’ with ‘lunch’.

4:00 – 5:00 p.m. – Tea time. (This is the highlight of my entire day because not only does it give me a chance to indulge in a rich PB & J sandwich but it also marks the end of the ‘work’ day which means that A) I made it through another day and B) my husband will be coming home soon.

5:00 p.m. – Start prepping and cooking dinner. (I may not do much cleaning but I DO cook!)

I’m well aware that my current weekday routine is very lazy and nowhere near what a good housewife (whatever that means) should be doing but here is the thing: I’m 6 months pregnant (!) and in no mood to crawl around the house scrubbing floors. Ok, I know that I could probably do a lot more than I’m currently doing but everyone says that I’ll be SO busy once the baby comes – shouldn’t I be allowed to live out these final 3 months in luxury? No? Well then here is a compromise: Without going overboard (Ha!), I will begin to make changes to my routine with the goal of living a more productive and healthy domestic life.

Starting Monday, August 9th 2010 (you didn’t really think that I would start during the weekend did you?), I hereby pledge to start my journey towards Good Housewife status.