People Should Just Be Quiet When Standing In Line

So, last week I decided to reward myself for enduring yet another week of pregnancy by going to Starbucks on Friday afternoon. I firmly believe in rewarding oneself for feats of perseverance. (Yes, perseverance. Between the heartburn, aching hips, facial acne, fetal kicks to the bladder and lack of alcohol, I feel damn right entitled.) And so off I went, happy as can be to fetch myself something rich and indulgent. I took my place in line, patiently waiting for the barista to get to me so that I could order a Cheese Danish AND a large Strawberries & Crème Frappucino. (You can close your dropped jaw now and before you rush to judgment, remember that this was meant to be a REWARD and I’m pregnant so I should be pitied and I’ll be on a miserable diet as soon as the baby comes and also, since you’re reading this blog you should be inclined to be on my side on all matters.) So, anyway, I’m patiently standing in line when a mother and her daughter of about 5 years of age join the line right behind me. The following conversation ensues between them: 

Mother: Do you see anything healthy here?

–          As soon as these words escaped her lips, I was pissed off. Here I was, about to fling myself into frappucino-danish ecstasy and she was bringing up the H word? I had a good mind to give her a Hot slap. 

5 yr old: Noooo, not really.

–          I kid you not people. The little horror of a child actually studied the display case for a few minutes before declaring that all pastries therein (including MY CHEESE DANISH) were unfit for consumption. Now, of course I knew that my beloved cheese danish wasn’t the healthiest thing on earth but I didn’t need to HEAR IT from a 5 yr old!

Mother: Well, maybe you can reeeeally spoil yourself today and get a Rice Krispie Treat. But mommy will just have some of yours coz mommy has *slaps hips*.  

–          Now, CLEARLY, ‘spoil yourself’ means different things to different people. This tiny girl and her skinny mother, who looked to be at most a size 4, were actually debating over “treating” themselves to a shared Rice Krispie Treat while there I stood, at size 100 with my stomach peeping from underneath my t-shirt (thanks to yet another tummy growth spurt) about to order NOT JUST a Cheese Danish but a Crème Frappucino to boot! And what did she mean slapping her hips? Yeah woman, you have hips. We all do, it’s part of our anatomy and eating won’t change that.

 The last thing I wanted was to be a cautionary tale told every night to the little girl, “Remember the giant pregnant woman who ordered ALL those unhealthy things at Starbucks…”  And so with a heavy heart, when the barista finally got to me, I ordered a slice of banana nut bread (FYI Miss Know-It-All 5 yr old: Banana = Fruit = Healthy. So there) and a soda.

I know, I know… I suck. I should’ve been like So, what? and gotten the danish –frappacino combo but I’m a wimp. And all wimps deserve to be shot at sunrise (along with people who enjoy going to the gym). Putting the question of wimpiness aside for a moment though, I do feel like the moral of this story is that people should just be quiet when standing in line.